Mocha-maca-mel Monsters

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The first job I ever had that I got without the aid of nepotism was as a Subway Sandwich Artist at the local mall. Now, this was way back in the day, and by back in the day I mean so long ago that we only had two kinds of bread, one type of cheese, and we still cut the loaves in U-shapes (which, I maintain to this day, is still the better way to do it). My favourite Subway cookie was (and still is) the double chocolate macadamia nut, with a cocoa base, white chocolate chips, and a handful of crushed macadamia nuts.  So good.  And I don’t even like macadamia nuts. I don’t know how they were made (they came in little frozen dough pucks) but this recipe is an homage to my memory of burning myself on ovens for minimum wage. Enjoy!

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Preheat your oven to 375°F and line some baking sheets with parchment paper.

In a bowl, mix together 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda, 1/2 teaspoon baking powder, 1 teaspoon cinnamon, 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder, and 1/4 cup instant espresso (for the mocha- part).

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I tried to line this up all cool and edgy but my kitchen door was open and kept blowing the flour around and the grains of instant coffee were too coarse to stay still. Turns out I suck at being cool. And at planning ahead.

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In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream together 1 cup butter, 1 cup brown sugar, and 1 cup granulated sugar until super fluffy and glorious.  I know some of you don’t use refined sugars but you simply cannot beat the smell of butter and sugar getting to know each other.

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Add in 2 large eggs, beating them up individually – just like any kung fu movie involving one hero and multiple opponents.

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Slowly tip in your flour mixture and mix until totally combined (I used the shield, sorry Eli).

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Then smash up some macadamia nuts (for the -maca- part).

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I have no idea how many I have here, but I think I ended up with just over 2 cups after I smashed them with the end of my rolling pin.  Good times.

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I also added in about 2 cups butterscotch chips.  For the -mel (caramel) part.

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Drop in heaping tablespoons onto your baking sheet and bake, rotating halfway through for 8-10 minutes.

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Allow to cool for at least 5 minutes on the pan before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.

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So tasty with a cold glass of milk.

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Author: allythebell

A corgi. A small boy. A sense of adventure. Chaos ensues.

47 thoughts on “Mocha-maca-mel Monsters”

  1. I remember those Subway days! I’m still a little shocked with all the bread choices, actually.

    I think your lining-up was very cool and clever, so there! I’d love to try this, but the cost of macadamias makes me cringe. And I only have a 20+ year old hand mixer from the US which smells distinctly of ozone when I use it with the power converter. Oh well! My imagination is telling me they would be very moreish 🙂


    1. You *could* do this by hand, but I’m way too lazy and have carpal tunnel so I can be a wimp about it. Though if you started baking more you could justify getting whatever that wicked UK brand is, Vitamix or something like that. Just sayin’ …


      1. I’m still not sure why you live in the middle of nowhere. I mean the garden *IS* nice and all, but … importing chocolate chips? Really? Is it worth it?


      2. Oh now that’s just SAD. At least in Canada we’re used to weird British food, and we’ve developed a lot of our own weirdness over the years. For you, though, I feel the greatest sympathy. Maybe Cadbury should start making chocolate chips. I would totally buy those.


      3. I have a wonderful friend in Maryland who takes pity on me and sends me necessities! And then I can’t stand to use them because OMG THAT’S All THERE IS! I did eat all the Kraft, though. By myself. In one sitting.


      4. I would have done the same.

        If you want weird Canadian food just let me know and I’ll send it along. We have things like Ketchup, Dill Pickle, and All Dressed chips.


      5. Dill pickles… Can’t get good ones here, either. I like Clausen, nothing else will do!

        What is all dressed?

        I’ve tasted an attempt at poutine here – with Irish ingredients – dismal failure. My Canadian friend tried but only so much you can do!


      6. Nobody knows what All Dressed is. It just is.

        I’m sure they make cheese curds in Ireland! You just need cheese curds, chicken gravy, and fries and all poutine is good poutine oh man now I really want poutine …


      7. Closest she could get was large curd cottage cheese, and not sure what the gravy was! If I ever get over to that side of the pond again, I’m having it!

        We have curry chips – or curry chips and cheese, or curry chips and slaw and cheese (no thanks). Thick cut fries with curry sauce, etc. Quite nice when coming home from the pub!


      8. Yeah, I won’t eat that either.

        Trying to think of ANYTHING else I get here I never had in the us – oh! Sausage rolls! Just a sausage wrapped in puff pastry and deep fried. Lovely!


      9. No that’s Irish! Or English. Well, maybe they are baked, I just guessed from the reek of oil in the garage (gas station) that they were fried. Now that you mention it I bet they are baked.


      10. Now, see – that is EXACTLY how I feel about it, too. But it’s not the same here! They (supposedly) do proper food, like fast food. Breakfast sandwiches, lunch sandwiches, fries, hash browns, sausage rolls, chicken… All I can think is ‘ewwwwww, gas-station-food!’


      11. I can think looking at it all is what it will look like in 2 hours when I see it again. I just can’t. But everyone does, here! Considering the price of McDonald’s, I’m not too surprised. I’m 40 minutes away from any kind of ‘real’ chain restaurant at all, anyway.


      12. Oh god as if we weren’t blowing up your comments already, now we have a second thread! Ha! I think Newfies are mostly Irish heritage, aren’t they? The accent is very similar in any case.


      13. We’re a two-man wrecking crew. They like to think they’re mostly Irish, but researchers have actually discovered them to be mostly English and Scottish. Just don’t tell them.


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