Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war.
Because a war this has become.
The little mouse is taunting me, baiting me daily with its bold exploits across my floors.
The Pie and I have come to the conclusion that perhaps there is only one mouse, and we simply see it on multiple occasions. It’s always the same colour, same size, and it picks the same routes through the house every time.
It gloats over my frustrated attempts to keep it out.
Remember how I jammed dryer sheets into every crack in the fireplace? Well it’s not coming through the cracks – it’s coming through the dripping, sagging, and fetid pink fibreglass insulation that is blocking my chimney. There is obviously a hole in said chimney, as well, because the mouse, if thwarted coming out of the fireplace, can go through the wall some how and come out in the closet with the water heater. From there it makes a bee line for the kitchen, goes under the fridge, behind the dishwasher, and then into the pan drawer under my stove.
Every day it poops in my muffin tin.
I used the muffin tins the other day to make blueberry muffins and so the tins were out for a wash. You know what the mouse did?
It pooped in my loaf pan.
I pulled that out to wash it. This morning, I pulled the drawer open to take a peek, and what did I see in my other loaf pan?
The daily deposition of that dessicated black grain is really getting to me. I think the two poops were made out of spite for the fact that I chased the mouse through the house last night.
I have NO IDEA what this mouse is eating. My floors are swept daily, and there are no crumbs behind the dishwasher. My recycling bin, next to the stove, is full of clean plastic. My pantry is impregnable and shows no signs of breach. But every freaking day I have mouse poop in my drawer.
This is a call for vengeance. If the mouse cannot be repelled, then it will be beaten back. The Pie has convinced me finally to pick up some mouse traps. Should I be successful I will look upon the body of my beaten foe and rejoice.
More bulletins as events warrant.